a profound 4-year-old
"i have no time...i have no time" ethan, my favorite kid, kept repeating. i asked all the students to glue their pictures but for some reason, even though he's usually so peppy and into it, ethan just wouldn't glue. "what do you mean ethan? we have 15 minutes before breaktime." "no...i have no time. 15, 9, then 1, no time." he said this the kind of extreme urgency only a child could convey. but i had no idea what he was talking about. i was so confused. "what are you talking about, ethan? oh come on, just glue...show me how good you are at gluing" "i have no time..." ethan said very quietly. his face starts getting red and his eyes well up. i'm taken aback by this but i open my arms and he comes towards me. all the other kids just watch us silently. "what's wrong ethan? why are you so sad?" "i have no more time." all of us at my musikbox knows ethan's moving to shanghai next week, this week being his last. "is it because you're moving?" he nods slowly and tears start trickling. "no more my musikbox."
his face was so close to mine. perfect and pure. looking him made me want to cry too. "but you're moving to a new place with new things. you'll start a new life" i knew only too well. i held him on my lap and asked all the other children if they've ever moved to another place. one girl did and said, "but i wasn't sad." at this point, i was suddenly inspired to tell them about my moving here to hong kong, even though i had no idea whether or not these little 3 and 4 year olds would understand or care. but they did. i told them about how this was my first time here in hong kong...how all my life, i've lived in america. and i got up and moved to hong kong, leaving family and friends. i missed them at first and still do, and was of course scared coming here. but now i love it. "that'll happen to you, ethan." he stopped crying. i kept holding him on my lap, and the children looked at me with serious eyes. it was the most beautiful and substantive thing i have ever talked about with such young children.
you never think of children being overly concerned with time. it seems only grown-ups watch the clock and feel the passing of time. but children feel it too. ethan was able to feel the future. and see it as a loss of the present. i saw him grow up today.
his face was so close to mine. perfect and pure. looking him made me want to cry too. "but you're moving to a new place with new things. you'll start a new life" i knew only too well. i held him on my lap and asked all the other children if they've ever moved to another place. one girl did and said, "but i wasn't sad." at this point, i was suddenly inspired to tell them about my moving here to hong kong, even though i had no idea whether or not these little 3 and 4 year olds would understand or care. but they did. i told them about how this was my first time here in hong kong...how all my life, i've lived in america. and i got up and moved to hong kong, leaving family and friends. i missed them at first and still do, and was of course scared coming here. but now i love it. "that'll happen to you, ethan." he stopped crying. i kept holding him on my lap, and the children looked at me with serious eyes. it was the most beautiful and substantive thing i have ever talked about with such young children.
you never think of children being overly concerned with time. it seems only grown-ups watch the clock and feel the passing of time. but children feel it too. ethan was able to feel the future. and see it as a loss of the present. i saw him grow up today.
posted by carol at 9:13 PM
1 Comments:
i love, love, love this post. this is the most wondrous story. i feel like it belongs in a short story compilation ... thank you for writing it.
Post a Comment
<< Home