clicks

goodbyes are awful. i never really know how to handle them. lightly...seriously? and you can't really do them naturally...because what's natural? goodbyes are an end to something...and endings aren't natural for me.

i already miss teresa. if you're reading this teresa...forget america and stay in happy hong kong! damn you! we said our goodbyes, an ending to a short but sweet time of only a couple weeks. i've known her since she was 10 (or maybe younger?) but never actually knew her until now. it's hard to find people you feel comfortable with instantly.

it's also hard to find people who click with you...click enough with you that they come to know you. those people are not the kinds who need your time frequently...but just instances, opportunities to click here and there. because the connection is not something earned, but something that's already there. that's what amy jin is to me. she infuses a kind of childish and pure love in my life, instantly. that's also how i feel about julia..instantly...with every conversation we have. it's so obvious, the clicks between us.

then there are people who have come to know everything about you. and they love you for that everything. they pick on those little things that even you don't notice about yourself, and hold them up high and preserve and cherish them lovingly. like everything about you is fragile and valuable. that's jim. he's the glass snowglobe i get to play in forever.

and of course, there are people who simply know you...have known you, know you, and will know you for the rest of your life. they forgive you, appreciate you, take care of you, love you, through all the stages of your life. that's what lai is to me - an unlimited well of love...sitting there just for me. forever.

i love you. all of you.